


You Above Me

by HeckinaHandbasket



Category: Bill & Ted (Movies)
Genre: Accidental Voyeurism, Anal Sex, Because the Robots are Evil Exhibitionists, Bill wants to nail Ted to the wall and feels bad about it, Established Relationship, Evil Robots have Feelings and also Bang a Lot, Hop In This Handbasket We’re Going To Heck, I Feel Like Bill and Ted had a Very Poor Sex Education and this is the Result, I Mean Eventually Once They Figure It Out, Idiots in Love, Light BDSM, M/M, Mutual Pining, Ted would desperately Love to Be Nailed to Said Wall, figuring it out
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-29
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-14 20:06:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29051856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeckinaHandbasket/pseuds/HeckinaHandbasket
Summary: They worked together quietly, the silence only broken by Bill’s exclamations of disgust and angry muttering every time they discovered something else the robots had broken in their sex frenzy.Ted cleaned up a remarkably still intact fresh glass of water from beside the bed, peering into it thoughtfully. “You think they do this kinda stuff a lot, Bill? Seemed like—like they really knew what they were doing.”Bill clammed up again, scowling down at the shattered lamp he was sweeping up. “Thought we weren’t gonna talk about it.”
Relationships: Evil Robot Bill/Evil Robot Ted (Bill & Ted), Ted "Theodore" Logan/Bill S. Preston Esq.
Comments: 12
Kudos: 76





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Greetings, dudes! 
> 
> Alright, so I’m back with more evil robot smut because apparently that’s who I am, now.
> 
> Bill and Ted need somebody to show them how it’s done, and the evil robots have decided they’re up for the task.
> 
> Warning- some robot spit kink ahead

It was new, this thing between them.

Well, it really wasn’t new at all, if you counted the years they had been inseparable. Ted definitely counted that, but—

The hand-holding and the kissing and the slow, sloppy handjobs were new.

Ted was on cloud nine about it.

Bill’s hand was small and strong in his, and he didn’t care that Ted got sweaty and twitchy and couldn’t stand still and Ted wanted to feel Bill’s small, strong hands all over every inch of himself, and—

And there was someone in their apartment.

More than one someone, judging by the shouting.

Bill looked up at him as he released his hand with a frown. “I think it’s the evil robots again, dude. Heinous.”

EB and ET had shown up out of the blue one day, entirely rebuilt and just as annoying as ever. Though, thankfully, much less murderous.

“We’ve totally been reprogrammed, dweebs! Not gonna kill you anymore, but we’re definitely going to make you dorks’ lives worse.”

And then they’d done a pretty sick air guitar so Bill and Ted had no choice but to kinda join in and, really, they were almost. Friends? Now, so.

So it wasn’t unusual for them to break into the apartment, usually to eat their food.

It was Evil Ted’s favorite thing to eat or drink almost everything in a container before putting it back so that Bill and Ted would go “oh, excellent! Cheetos!” Only to discover a single, sad snack in the bottom of the bag.

So the breaking and entering wasn’t unusual, but the screaming was.

EB and ET fought a lot, bickered and shoved at each other, but, not like this.

Bill’s eyes widened as they heard a sharp cry and what sounded like a lamp breaking against the floor.

“Do you think they’re in trouble, dude?”

Ted didn’t have time to answer before another crash rang through the door and Bill was bursting inside.

“Hey, evil robot dudes, don’t worry, we’re coming!”

Ted didn’t think the evil robots were worried, actually, because when he and Bill skidded into their bedroom, following the sounds, the robots were.

They were.

There really wasn’t any word for it, other than—

Fucking.

EB had ET bent over Ted’s bed, head twisted to the side with a harsh hand gripping his hair.

EB’s hips snapped in a punishing rhythm, punching out cries from ET with every slap of flesh over metal.

ET’s eyelids fluttered as he focused on Bill and Ted, frozen in the doorway. His mouth hung open, a bright red handprint standing out on his cheek. EB released his hair to hook his fingers over ET’s lower teeth, yanking his mouth even wider as he leaned down over him. “Open up, bitch.”

And then he—

He spat—

In his mouth, and—

And ET came with a deep groan, shaking and whimpering as EB didn’t even slow down, dropping his hand to jerk ET’s oversensitive cock while he shouted and squirmed.

Ted only noticed then that ET’s hands were tied behind his back, with one of their good amp cables. It was probably ruined now. Dickweeds.

Bill reached back to hold onto Ted’s sleeve, speaking in a harsh whisper even as he never looked away from the motion of his evil robot self drilling evil robot Ted through the mattress. “Do you think we should help him, dude? Get Evil Bill offa him?”

ET smiled dopily as EB rubbed a thumb across his cheek, wiping away a tear, and—

And Ted didn’t think he wanted their help at all.

He tugged Bill away and shut the door behind them, flushing at the continued noises that crept beneath the door. “I don’t think they need our help dude, I think they’re, you know, happy. In a totally evil way.”

Bill licked his lips, still staring at the closed door. His pupils were huge, just a little blue ring left around each one. “Yeah. Yeah they seemed, um, happy. And evil.”

He was hard, and Ted found himself fixating on the bulge in Bill’s jeans as he adjusted his own chubby, tucking it in his waistband like Bill had taught him to do back in middle school when he had to hide surprise boners all the time.

Bill always had his back like that.

“Maybe we should go, dude, come back after they’re finished?”

Bill nodded, brow furrowed as he reached down and followed his own advice.

Ted couldn’t stop thinking about the way the head of Bill’s dick was poking up over his waistband under his loose shirt. How Ted could just drop to his knees and duck inside his tee shirt to lick at it. He had never done that before, but he wanted to, and—

“Come on, Ted. Let’s get out of here.”

Ted bobbed his head as he followed Bill out, letting his hair swing forward to conceal his burning cheeks.

He waited until they hit the sidewalk to try talking again, peering down at the top of Bill’s head and his hunched shoulders. “Hey, Bill, dude?”

“Yeah, Ted?”

“I think they really liked that stuff. Like, ET seemed totally blissed out on EB treating him all mean and stuff.”

Bill didn’t answer, just shoved his hands further in his pockets and picked up speed so Ted actually had to use his full stride to keep up.

“Do you ever,” he paused to take a breath, whistling funny in his lungs as Bill didn’t even pause beside him, “ever like, think about stuff like that?”

Bill did that thing with his shoulders like he wanted to say something but couldn’t. He used to do it a lot in school, and with Ted’s dad, and—

“No.”

Something in Ted’s stomach sank, just a little. Something that had been kinda floating, ever since they saw the evil robots going at it in living color right there in their bedroom.

“Oh. Not even, like, a little bit?”

Bill cut him a sharp, quick look, eyes burning like the center of a candle flame. “No.”

He was lying. Bill always got like, really angry when he lied. It was always super obvious, the way Ted got all fidgety and nervous when he did.

He almost never lied to Ted, though.

“Bill, I just—”

“Shut up, Ted! I don’t want to talk about it.”

Ted shut up.

Bill led them to the dollar movie theater, where they sat through an old sci-fi double feature without speaking. Even though Bill got up during the intermission and came back with Ted’s favorite candy, handing it to him wordlessly and not even glancing at him while he ate it.

It was weird.

Totally non-non-heinous.

He blinked down at Bill in the bright afternoon light as they stepped out of the theater. “You think we can go back? They’ve gotta be done by now, right?”

Bill’s blush came back immediately, painting him pink against his gold hair like a sunset and Ted could have looked at him forever. “If they’re not, I’ll kick their evil robot asses out. Let’s go home, dude.”

Ted grinned and reached for his hand but Bill pulled away and that thing in Ted’s stomach sank the rest of the way down, as if the bottom had dropped out altogether.

He crossed his arms to tuck his hands up underneath, eyeing the tightly-wound lines of Bill’s rigid back all the way home.

The robots had gone, but left the front door wide open.

Bill kicked it shut behind them, hands rolled into fists. “Evil robot dicks! I’m sick of them coming in here and messing up our stuff.”

Ted nodded in agreement, trying not to focus on dicks and the way the word sounded on Bill’s flushed pink lips, and the way EB’s dick had looked pumping into ET, and—

“Oh, bogus. They totally wrecked your bed, dude!”

They had.

The mattress had been knocked off center and Ted’s sheets had been half-pulled off the bed, twisted down into a mangled pile topped with a discarded pair of boxers with suspicious stains. Ted picked them up for a sniff, wrinkling his nose at the pungent scent of cum and motor oil. Bill snatched them out of his hands, face as red as Ted had ever seen it. “Ted, don’t! That is most unsanitary.”

Ted shrugged unconcernedly as he flopped back onto Bill’s undisturbed bed. “I think they’re EB’s. Smells most like yours.”

“Ted!”

Bill’s voice squeaked on his name and it was the cutest thing Ted had ever heard in his life and, this one time, Bill’s dad had taken them to the zoo and they got to see a baby polar bear, so.

It was pretty cute, to beat that.

Bill looked at the boxers in his hand and then up at Ted and then Ted knew they were both thinking about that time a couple days ago when Bill had come all over Ted’s hand and Ted had brought it up to his mouth to taste, sucking Bill off his fingers and Bill had squeaked then, too, and—

“We should probably get this cleaned up.”

Bill dropped the boxers on top of the pile of sheets, gingerly kicking them all toward the door.

They worked together quietly, the silence only broken by Bill’s exclamations of disgust and angry muttering every time they discovered something else the robots had broken in their sex frenzy.

Ted cleaned up a remarkably still intact fresh glass of water from beside the bed, peering into it thoughtfully. “You think they do this kinda stuff a lot, Bill? Seemed like—like they really knew what they were doing.”

Bill clammed up again, scowling down at the shattered lamp he was sweeping up. “Thought we weren’t gonna talk about it.”

Ted was burning, still half-hard just thinking about the confident way EB had held Evil Ted down, and the way his own Bill manhandled him sometimes when he was really getting into it. “Yeah, I know, I just—do you ever, like, want to do that kinda stuff with me?”

Bill cursed, sucking his thumb into his mouth as he glared at Ted over his dustpan of broken glass. “The robots might look like us, but they’re totally different. Why would I want to hurt you, Ted? I love you.”

It never got old, hearing that. They had only been saying it openly for a few weeks, but. Ted knew he was grinning like an idiot, Bill’s face softening as he removed his thumb to examine the tiny cut on the side. Ted rushed to look at it, hissing in sympathy. “Bogus, dude.”

He kissed it softly, watching Bill through his eyelashes. “I love you too, Bill. I’m sorry, I’ll stop talking about it.”

And he did.

He didn’t bring it up when they finished cleaning the room and flipped Ted’s mattress.

He didn’t mention it when the evil robots showed back up on movie night and cackled their way through a campy horror film while pelting Bill and Ted with peanuts.

And he didn’t talk about it when Bill ran his fingers through Ted’s hair while he was slowly jerking Ted off, and Ted really wanted to ask him to pull it a little, just to see.

But, Bill had said, don’t talk about it.

So, Ted didn’t.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bill hated them.
> 
> Okay, well, he didn’t like hate-hate them. They were kinda he and Ted’s closest friends, after Death and the princesses.
> 
> But he totally resented the fuck out of their evil robot asses.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bill’s side of the story. I wonder if this pining could be? Mutual?
> 
> Warning- Bill has some period typical internalized homophobia and fundamental misunderstandings about sex. Don’t worry, he’ll figure it out. Eventually.

Bill hated them.

Okay, well, he didn’t like hate-hate them. They were kinda he and Ted’s closest friends, after Death and the princesses.

But he totally resented the fuck out of their evil robot asses.

For ruining their stuff, and generally being total dickweeds, and making Ted glance at Bill with his lip caught guiltily in his teeth whenever he had a question about them.

Because Bill had snapped at him like a dick, when Ted was only being sweetly curious, the way he always was.

All because the stupid evil robots had no sense of privacy and had exposed some of Bill’s deepest, guiltiest fantasies right in front of the person he was trying to hide them from.

It wasn’t that he wanted to hurt Ted.

He really, really didn’t, but.

Sometimes, he kinda—

Like, he thought about it, okay? Just, wrapping Ted’s long hair around his fist and pulling back to expose the long, smooth line of his throat.

Or, maybe just, like.

Tying his wrists over his head while Bill sucked his brains out of his dick.

Or, sometimes, when he really let himself go, he thought about, like.

Bending Ted in half and just, absolutely railing him.

Not that Bill would do that. He wouldn’t.

Because he knew it was bad.

He’d only ever even heard of it in a harsh, punishing context. As a mean, dirty joke, usually about prison or something. Nothing he had ever heard about it referenced tender, romantic feelings like he had for Ted.

Usually just the opposite.

And he’d only actually seen it just the once, when they had walked in on the evil robots doing it like it wasn’t a big deal, like it didn’t even tear Evil Bill up inside to do something like that to the person he loved best in all the universe.

He’d probably deny it, because he was a dick, but Evil Bill loved Evil Ted.

Bill knew that down in his bones.

As shitty as the evil robots were, they were as inseparable as he and Ted were. They took care of each other in their own, evil way, so.

It had been a shock, to see them like that.

At first, Bill thought that Evil Ted had looked the best he ever had, all flushed and sweaty and helpless, but.

Then he had seen the handprint on his face and his heart had sunk into his stomach.

Because he knew for sure, then, that it was evil.

All of his secret thoughts, the things he wanted to do with Ted, it was all really bad.

Otherwise, why would the evil robots be doing it?

It made him feel so bad and weird and angry with himself that he had taken it out on Ted, who hadn’t done anything wrong.

Bill was still trying to make up for it, getting Ted’s favorite snacks for the apartment, and taking out the trash when it was Ted’s turn.

Kissing him extra softly, being super careful and gentle when Ted gave Bill the privilege of touching him, of making him feel good.

Bill would never abuse that privilege by hurting him in any way.

And if, sometimes, an evil thought about how pretty Ted would look speared on Bill’s cock entered his head, well.

Nobody had to know about that.

Bill would just be extra sweet to make up for it. There was no way he was going to let that kinda stuff spill over onto Ted.

Ted should have a dude who treated him with the excellence that he deserved. Bill was determined to be that dude, no matter what.

He actually kinda wished that the robots would be a little more excellent to each other, too. Bill worried about the way Evil Bill treated Evil Ted, even though Evil Ted was a total dick.

He could barely look at ET without searching for marks and bruises, glaring at Evil Bill when he had found rope burn around Evil Ted’s wrists. EB had just waggled his eyebrows at Bill and made an obscene gesture with his tongue against his cheek.

But ET had still thrown his arm around EB’s shoulders and snuggled close while they sneered and shouted at the television and basically ruined the movie viewing experience for Bill and Ted, and—

He resented it, that they got to have it both ways.

That they could be bad inside and still love each other.

Do all the things inside Bill’s head and cuddle up afterwards like it was no big deal.

He and Ted weren’t like that.

Ted wasn’t like Bill, he was good all the way through.

Bill would just have to do his best to make sure he never found out that Bill was rotten at the core.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How are they going to work this out? 
> 
> If only they had some evil robot friends to show them the way...


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ted was determined to suck Bill’s dick.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I’ve actually had this written for a while and completely forgot to post it, whoops.
> 
> Things are rough rn in my life so updates may be sporadic. 
> 
> Thanks for reading, I appreciate you.

Ted was determined to suck Bill’s dick.

It was a goal he worked toward single-mindedly, with more focus than he had ever devoted to anything before. Except, maybe, saving the world on occasion.

The fact that Bill seemed to be going out of his way to avoid getting his dick sucked was messing with Ted’s head, though.

Like.

He had tried, the night before.

They had been having a most outstanding make-out sesh, with Ted straddling Bill’s lap on the couch. They were really hitting their stride with kissing, had gotten it down to a sexy science.

Ted knew just how to suck on Bill’s tongue to make his hips jerk, and Bill knew just when to tug on Ted’s lower lip with the barest edge of his teeth to make him gasp.

So they had gotten each other plenty worked up, he could feel Bill, hard against his thigh.

Bill kept alternating between rubbing his hands all over Ted’s back and thighs and holding onto the cushions beside him so hard that veins stood out on his forearms.

Ted kinda wanted to lick them.

He kinda wanted to lick Bill all over, but.

For now, he’d be happy just to lick his dick.

Ted pulled back from kissing Bill with a wet, sucking sound that made his cock twitch. Bill gazed up at him with those half-lidded eyes and Ted got up the nerve to slide to his knees between Bill’s spread thighs.

Bill hissed and sat up sharply as Ted rubbed his cheek against his cock through his jeans, looking up at his beautiful, shocked face. “Please, Bill? I wanna try.”

And Bill had nodded, swollen red mouth hanging open as he whispered Ted’s name. And Ted nearly ripped the fabric, he got Bill’s jeans open so fast.

Then his dick was right there, hot and hard and shiny wet at the rosy tip. He smelled like Bill, and Ted couldn’t wait to taste him.

Ted extended his tongue to swipe experimentally up the shaft and Bill made a deep, gorgeous sound. So, he did it again, and then again. And then his tongue swirled across the head and he got the sharp taste of him, and he wanted nothing more than to suck out as much as he could until Bill shot down his throat. He geared up to do exactly that as Bill carded his fingers lovingly through Ted’s hair.

Ted popped the flared head past his lips, marveling at the perfect silky texture of Bill’s skin, and Bill’s hand spasmed with a gasp, tugging on Ted’s hair.

Ted’s eyes rolled back with a sharp cry at the sting and suddenly Bill was pulling him off his dick and back up on the couch with wide, panicked eyes.

Bill’s hands hovered beside Ted’s head as though afraid to touch. “I’m sorry duder, I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

Ted bumped his head against Bill’s fingers with a smile, rocking slightly in his jeans just to get some pressure on his aching dick. “That’s okay, Bill. I liked it. I like everything you do to me.”

Bill’s mouth shut with a click at that, and Ted worried that he had done something wrong for Bill’s eyes to go all fierce suddenly. “You shouldn’t—I don’t want to hurt you, Ted. Come here, just lemme—”

He opened Ted’s jeans to pull his cock out, watching Ted’s face as he licked his palm before wrapping his hand around them both, hard cocks pressed together.

That was a new thing they were doing, and Ted loved it, but.

What he really wanted was Bill’s dick in his mouth.

Just the thought, of having Bill inside him, was enough to get him close almost immediately.

He gripped Bill’s shoulders and panted against his mouth, thrusting frantically into his fist. “I’m close, dude, please.”

He didn’t even know what he was asking for, but he trusted Bill to give it to him.

Bill cupped his other hand around the back of Ted’s head, angling him perfectly as he slid his tongue into Ted’s mouth and started thrusting it in time with their bodies and, oh. That was what he wanted.

He wanted Bill inside him, any way he could get.

He came with a whimper around Bill’s tongue and Bill flipped him onto his back with a growl, finally too far gone to do the overly cautious, gentle thing he had been doing lately. He was driving Ted crazy with that.

Gentle was good, he liked being sweet to each other, but. Sometimes, there came a point where he just wanted Bill to go wild.

Like a stallion.

Bill was getting there now, on his knees between Ted’s legs, hunched over him as he jerked his cock so fast his hand blurred when Ted tried to follow the movement.

Bill’s mouth hung open as his face contorted into beautiful shapes, brows drawn together with a little crease between them.

Ted shoved his shirt further up, exposing his chest, and Bill immediately put a hand to it, squeezing him like he was a babe. His fingers dragged through Ted’s cum on their way up and Ted looked down at Bill’s wet fingers against his skin and he just.

Went a little wild.

He lifted Bill’s hand from his chest, ignoring his small, questioning sound. Catching and keeping Bill’s heated gaze, Ted sucked on his fingers the way he wanted to suck his cock, tongue working over and around them to get every drop of cum.

He moaned, almost gagging as Bill pressed down on his tongue and Bill was coming hard, grunting and painting Ted’s chest in hot ropes of cum.

Afterward, Bill had been weirdly apologetic and attentive, cleaning Ted up with a flushed face and guilty eyes.

Ted had tried to tickle him out of his weird mood, but Bill had been determined to treat Ted like he had broken his favorite album or something.

So, now, Ted had a plan.

He was going to get Bill worked up to the point that he tipped over the ledge from gentle into something more.

And then, Ted was going to suck his cock.

It was foolproof.

Except.

He hadn’t counted on the evil robots showing up with a couple of pizzas.

“Anchovies and pineapple, dweebs. Your favorite!”

Which, as much as he and Bill groaned and complained, turned out to be a surprisingly non-heinous combination.

Unless it was on their wall, which is where ET decided to toss his slice after only two bites, high-fiving EB and laughing as it slid down the wall, leaving a greasy trail behind.

“Hey, Evil Ted, dude! Come on, don’t do that.”

Bill always talked to the robots like they might just one day see sense and start acting normal. Ted had pretty much given up on that.

Evil Ted bounced over to Bill with his totally annoying walk that Ted most vociferously hoped did not actually resemble his in any way.

He peered down at Bill through his bangs as he grabbed his crotch. “Suck it, dorkbreath.”

Bill sneered, gearing up to tell ET to get out of the apartment the way he inevitably did every time they showed up, but EB beat him to it, sprawled on the opposite side of the couch from Bill. He kicked ET in the leg and tossed his own pizza to splat against the wall. “No, Evil Ted. You suck it. I’m bored as shit.”

And then he actually unzipped his jeans and Ted’s mouth went dry and then really, really wet.

ET didn’t even look at EB at first, he was too busy cocking his head at Bill with a slowly spreading smirk. Ted stood frozen beside the couch with his slice of pizza, jumping a little once he noticed that Evil Bill’s attention had fallen to him. “Hey, Teddy goody two shoes, you get over here, too. Wanna show you something.”

Ted walked over on autopilot, only stopping when Bill snapped out his name. He froze again, focus bouncing between both Bills.

Evil Bill pulled his cock out, ignoring the strangled sound Bill made beside him on the couch. Ted couldn’t help but look at it. It was exactly the same as Bill’s, down to the last vein. Remarkable, really. EB stroked it slowly, leering up at Ted, his robotic gaze falling pointedly to the tent Ted was pitching in his jeans.

Ted stumbled as ET shoulder checked him on the way over. “Watch and learn, numbskull.”

EB narrowed his eyes at Ted, baring his teeth as ET got to his knees between his legs. “I said, get your ass over here, Ted.”

ET growled and bit his thigh and Evil Bill grabbed a fistful of hair, viciously yanking his head back and to the side without ever looking away from Ted.

Ted didn’t fully understand how he had made it all the way to the couch, only registering that he had moved when he bumped up against EB’s knee.

EB shook ET lightly by his hair as he smiled up at Ted. “Knew you were a good boy. Can’t help it, can you? Now. Get down on your knees.”

Ted folded like a house of cards, dropping his pizza and flinching away when ET hissed and snapped at him as they kneeled there together. Bill made a sharp, shocked sound, but Ted couldn’t look at him because EB had struck out to grab him by the chin, his grip surprisingly gentle.

Something almost human flickered in his artificial green eyes as he shook his head slowly, clicking his tongue down at Ted. “No, dollface. Wrong Bill. Get over there where you belong.”

ET snapped at him again as Ted shuffled past to get to Bill. He could hear EB whispering something to ET that made him stop growling and pause for a moment before the both of them laughed.

Ted came to a stop between Bill’s splayed knees, slowly lifting his head to find him staring down at him in disbelief. “Woah, Ted. You don’t have to do what he says, dude. I can just kick these assholes out.”

But, even as Bill was saying that, he made no move to do so, hands gripping the cushions beside him the same way he did when he and Ted got hot and heavy and he yanked his hands out of Ted’s hair like he didn’t trust himself.

He was hard, leaking a wet spot through the denim of his jeans and Ted just, leaned forward and licked at the spot.

Bill squeaked and EB groaned and Evil Ted made a harsh, wet sound as EB shoved his head down on his cock with both hands.

They all paused when Bill reached out and grabbed EB’s flannel overshirt with a growl. “Hey. Don’t hurt him, assface.”

EB and Bill stared each other down while ET made muffled choking noises until EB wrenched his head back with a snarl. “Aw, but he likes it. Don’t you, bitch?”

Evil Ted gasped for air, drool running down his chin as he dug his fingers into Evil Bill’s thighs. He whined when EB released his hair to gently wipe the drool and push it back into his mouth. “Hmm? Answer me.”

ET bit down hard on his fingers with the sound of metal grinding beneath the skin. Then he spat them out to gaze up into EB’s face, hands squeezing rhythmically at his thighs. “I hate you.”

Evil Bill smiled, and, for once, it didn’t even look evil. It just looked like Bill, and Ted rubbed his cheek across the bulge in Bill’s pants as he watched with rapt attention.

EB pushed Evil Ted’s hair back off his face, not even pulling it, just cupping his head with his palm as he looked down at him with an expression so loving it belonged on Bill’s face. “I know. I hate you, too.”

Evil Ted stuck his tongue out, letting his mouth hang open like an invitation as he stared up at EB.

EB took his cock in hand and rubbed the head across ET’s tongue and Bill’s cock jumped against Ted’s cheek.

Ted’s heart was racing as he looked up to find Bill focused on him, as if Ted was the most interesting thing in the room even with the evil robots going at it two feet away.

He thumbed over the button of Bill’s jeans, using his bangs as a screen to watch him through. “Is this okay, Bill?”

ET pulled off with a slurping sound to mock Ted’s words in a high, annoying voice, but he choked off at the end when EB pushed him back down with a snarl.

Bill parted Ted’s bangs, tucking one side behind his ear with a single, gentle finger. “Only if you want to, duder. You don’t have to—”

He cut off with a harsh inhale as Ted yanked down his fly. Ted had to grasp handfuls of denim under his ass to pull his pants down far enough to get him out.

Then, Bill was right in front of him again, springing up out of his boxers and glistening wet. Ted licked right across the tip to get a taste, savoring it with a slow moan while Bill made a sound like he had been hit.

Their eyes met, Bill’s half-closed in the way he did that always got Ted hot under the collar. He looked like a pin-up painting like that, all pink cheeks and golden curls.

ET ruined the moment by pointing at Bill’s dick with a hoarse laugh. “Whoa, Evil Bill. I think the good you is totally bigger.”

To Ted’s surprise, EB actually went red. He hadn’t known that the robots could blush.

Evil Bill glared at Bill and Ted before he grabbed ET around the throat, ignoring Bill’s shout of protest. “Shut up, Evil Ted!”

ET strained forward to suck on the head of EB’s cock, batting his lashes obnoxiously up at him until EB released his grip.

Evil Ted popped off immediately with a laugh and got to his feet, wiping his mouth off on his arm. “Ha, sucker! I’m getting out of here before I choke on all of these ooey-gooey feelings these dweebs are throwing out in the air.”

EB sat up straight, spit-slick cock still sticking out of his open jeans, his eyebrows slammed down with fury. “What the fuck? Get back over here, and I’ll give you something to choke on!”

Evil Ted started backing toward the door as he stuck out his tongue and casually rubbed himself through his jeans, voice low and raspy. “Make me.”

He turned and ran as soon as EB stood up, crashing into a table and knocking everything off onto the floor before he slammed the front door open and bolted out of the apartment.

Evil Bill chased after him, holding his pants closed in one hand while he cursed and shouted.

He knocked over their telephone on his way out, leaving Ted to hang it up as he cautiously followed them to close the door.

He peered out of the window through the blinds before turning to Bill with a wince. “They’re totally gonna bang in our van again, dude. ET is breaking the lock right now.”

Bill was busy tucking himself in his jeans, flushing when Ted caught him in the act. “Oh. Bogus.”

Ted rushed back to the couch, falling to his knees and ready to beg. “Don’t. We don’t have to stop.”

He worked his hand underneath Bill’s to cup him through his boxers, wet cloth sticking to him. Remembering ET’s trick with the lashes, Ted tried to replicate it, only less mocking and more earnest. “Please let me suck you, Bill. I’ve been wanting to for days.”

Bill’s hand clenched tight around his before abruptly letting go to hold onto the cushions. “Really? You want that?”

Ted carefully extracted Bill from his boxers, stretching the elastic waistband underneath his balls. “Super really, dude. It’s all I can think about.”

Bill nodded jerkily at Ted’s questioning look and Ted dived in, sucking the tip down until the head popped past his lips. He felt so full already, and Bill was barely inside.

It was glorious.

Ted got a little overzealous and pushed down too far, too fast, gagging as Bill hit the back of his throat and Bill pulled him off with careful hands, eyes wide with panic. “Whoa, slow down, babe.”

Babe.

Oh, that felt. It felt good, coming from Bill.

Bill had never called him that before. He seemed to realize it the same time Ted did, going red down to his shirt collar as his lips worked around whatever apology he was thinking up in that big brain of his. Ted beat him to it, sloppily kissing his cock between words. “I like that. Like it when you call me that, Bill.”

Bill’s soft ’oh’ was lost in a moan as Ted sucked him down again, slower and more shallowly.

It should have been awkward, but it wasn’t, because it was Bill.

Bill, softly encouraging him and petting his hair. Bill, twitching his hips with a gasp when Ted figured out how to suck hard on the way up. Bill, moaning his name when Ted pulled off to curl his tongue around the head.

“You’re amazing at this, Ted.”

Every time Bill said something nice, it never failed to send fireworks through Ted’s bloodstream, lighting him up from the inside out.

He had spent his life being told that he wasn’t good for much, but Bill only ever had nice things to say. And Ted always turned towards him like a sunflower to the sun.

His dick was getting harder, leaking against Ted’s tongue and it made Ted’s own dick throb at the taste. The silky head of him rubbed against Ted’s soft palate and Ted chased the feeling over and over again until Bill buried his hands in his hair to pull him off with a gasp. “I’m gonna—Ted, if you keep doing that I’m gonna come in your mouth, dude.”

Ted stretched forward to lick at him, holding Bill’s cock steady at the base with one hand while he stared up into his eyes. “Excellent idea, Bill.”

Bill made a sweet, soft sound as Ted went back to work. He left his hands in Ted’s hair as his hips lifted to meet his face, just a little. Ted sucked hard on the upstroke, letting his tongue trace just beneath the head and Bill came with a cry of his name, shooting down his throat.

Ted did his best to swallow but sputtered a little, gripping Bill’s thighs while he tried to breathe through it.

He pulled off to grin up at Bill. “That was most triumphant! We’re totally gonna do that again.”

Bill wiped away the sheen of his cum from Ted’s lips with a careful thumb before he grabbed Ted by the ribs and lifted him onto the couch beside him, laid out flat on his back. Ted craned his neck to ask what he was doing only to choke on a whimper when Bill took a nosedive between his legs, licking and sucking at him through his pants while he tore at the fastenings. “You’re unbelievable, Ted. Most outstanding—“he paused when Ted’s cock sprung out of his boxers, rock hard and sticky wet, “—Beautiful.”

Ted arched his back with a cry, knocking his head against the arm of the couch when Bill sucked him down, blond eyebrows pinched with concentration. “Oh, god, Bill. I’m not gonna last, dude. I’m so close.”

Bill nodded as much as he could, shifting Ted’s dick in his mouth with the motion and Ted was right on the edge. He tumbled over with a moan when Bill sucked hard, hollowing his cheeks around Ted’s dick.

He kept sucking gently while Ted whined and writhed with sensitivity until Ted pushed him off with a shaky hand.

Bill immediately climbed up to search his face, hovering over him on hands and knees. “Was that too much? I’m sorry, duder, I got a little carried away. You just taste so good, and I—”

Ted stopped him with both hands on his cheeks as he raised up for a kiss. “You were perfect, Bill. Lemme go get us some Pepsi’s and we can do it again.”

The smile on Bill’s face was slow and filthy, sending heat to Ted’s cheeks as if they hadn’t just sucked each other off. “Yeah, Ted? You wanna do it again?”

Ted smacked a noisy kiss on his lips before nuzzling up close to his ear to whisper low. “I always want you, Bill.”

Bill dropped down on top of him to kiss him so hard that Ted could taste himself and it turned out that they didn’t even need the Pepsi’s to go for a second round.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What are the Evil Robots up to???


End file.
